Exuberance Vs Experience

“The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.”

When Papa thought that I should go to a boarding school (9^th birthday), I had already made the best of friends at the neighborhood school.

When Papa gifted me a bicycle (14^th birthday), I already had a learning license for the HERO HONDA.

When Papa suggested that, I should now stop experimenting with my hairstyle every fortnight (18^th birthday) I had already started shaving.

When Papa wanted me to be a Chartered Accountant (21^st birthday), I had already submitted the form for my Advertising course.

When Papa asked me to get ‘settled’ (24^th birthday), I was already bored with my Advertising job.

In addition, when Papa wanted me to get married (26^th birthday), I had already had my second break-up.

This has been the story so far. It is like that rainy season lightning, where the light occurs first, while it thunders ages after. Both of us are yet to find where the problem lies. More so, rain has not stopped either. So, before my Papa attempts, let me find out the reasons.

There is one very popular word for this phenomenon. Generation gap. It has existed since Lord Krishna & his father Nanda, then Shehanshah Akbar & his son-turned-Romeo, Shehajada Saleem, to Gurubhai (Dhirubhai) & his schoolteacher father. I wish to offer a few reasons for why this happens.

This invariably happens because the two of them are stuck in time. Sometimes in their present, at other times in their past & at some other times in their respective future. I mean, when the father is looking at his son’s future, the son is talking of his father’s past. Moreover, when the son talks about his present, the father tells him of his own past. Then, when they both talk about their present, son is not impressed by his father’s past & the father is worried about his son’s future. Strangely, there is no talk of either son’s past or the father’s future.

We need to understand what price we end up paying for this generation gap phenomenon. The first loss is of the mutual respect. “When the silence between two individuals is uncomfortable, the relationship is in danger”. The two pairs of eyes cannot meet even for the time it takes to say “Papa” or “Beta”. Many dreams are withheld, withdrawn or vanished just because someone’s (father) experiences & expectations are different to someone’s (son). Many emotions are curbed & concealed because of swollen egos (father) or irrational exuberance (son). What remain are many unexpressed feelings, incomplete desires & unending arguments.

To find the solution lets have a look at the Mango Tree (Father) in our own backyard. Firstly, it grows a Mango (Son) only when it has grown strong & high enough to be able to obtain, sustain & retain the Mango. The Mango Tree makes itself dense & strong to protect the Mango from the weather, animals & even humans. It sheds all its leaves (during autumn) to retain the fruit. The Tree initially gives the Mango its own colour i.e. green. The flavor is also more like the leaves. So, for an onlooker the Mango is not visibly distinct from the Mango Tree. Thus, the identity of the Mango is the Mango Tree.

With time & process of natural growth, the Mango grows up in size. It grows different in taste & colour. It acquires its own sweet taste & a distinct vibrant yellow, saffron or red colour. Then, the tree presents itself and the Mango to the world. Now the identity of the Mango Tree is the Mango. The world knows the Tree by the variety (identity) of the Mango. Either the Mango is plucked or the Tree lets it fall apart because it has grown up in weight & individuality. When they part their ways there are no more expectations & promises. Just simple & strong bonding of the soul called the “seed” (The mother). And off course of the name “Mango”. The Mango (Son) gives back all he has got from his Tree (Father) by becoming the Tree for another yet another Mango.

I only wish & hope that the lesson is learnt quickly & in the deepest sense.

Finally to sign it off,

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow;
Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

--- Pope, Alexander.